Funeral

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10 Things the (Shady) Funeral Home Won’t Tell You

By Daniel Szczesniak / Funeral Resources

Last Updated on May 20, 2020

There are so many tips out there for planning a funeral that you may feel overwhelmed by all options. Many of the guides and how-to manuals are put out there by funeral homes, and, while most funeral information is truly meant to be helpful, there may be a few things the funeral home or director may not tell you unless you inquire specifically.

Please note that many – even most – funeral directors are honest, extraordinarily helpful, and selfless in the way that they will care for you and your family in this difficult time. We salute these professionals. They will help you navigate through each and every one of these issues, saving you time, stress, and money.

However, it is always best to be informed so that the helpful funeral director can best assist you, and the more knowledge you have about these issues, the more prepared you will be to avoid unwanted costs and services.

Here is our collection of the most helpful and least-known tips we’ve discovered: 10 things the unscrupulous funeral home won’t  tell you.

1. You should pre-plan, but don’t pre-pay
2. You can rent a casket or urn for the service
3. Caskets and urns are available online at much cheaper prices
4. Funeral homes often keep the low-cost urns and caskets in the back
5. You can use an “alternative container” for the cremation
6. Veterans can get burial benefits through the VA (but not necessarily through the funeral home)
7. You can ask for a price list for all service – even over the phone!
8. Most products and services are optional
9. Funeral adjectives are relative – be careful how you are influenced!
10. You can receive a written statement of costs and services before you pay

1. Pre-plan, but don’t pre-pay

Pre-planning your funeral and making your final arrangements in advance is a great idea. Not only does it save your loved ones from being forced to make difficult and emotional decisions, but it will give you peace of mind knowing that things are in order.

But pre-planning does not need to mean pre-payment; in fact, pre-paying your funeral costs is generally a bad idea. Many pre-payment plans do not include all costs, so your relatives will still most likely have to deal with “additional fees” and other unexpected service charges.

With a good plan, additional charges will only happen if the family makes changes at the time of the funeral. However, not all pre-paid plans are equally well crafted.

Also, if you outlast the funeral home (i.e., if it goes out of business), then everything you paid to the funeral home could be lost. If you are thinking about pre-paying, be sure to carefully look over the contract, and familiarize yourself with local and state laws. Some states require pre-paid funeral funds to be deposited with a third party, which guarantees the safety of your funds, while other states allow each funeral home to determine where the funds will go.

One option is to get a life insurance policy which includes funeral expenses. The helpful website Elder Law Answers has another handy suggestion:

One way to ensure there is money available to pay for the funeral is to set up a payable-on-death account (POD) with your bank. Make the person who will be handling your funeral arrangements the beneficiary (and make sure they know your plans). You will maintain control of your money while you are alive, but when you die it is available immediately, without having to go through probate.

From Pre-Paid Funeral Plans: Buyer Beware

So we recommend pre-planning, and be very careful when considering pre-paid funeral services.

2. You can rent a cremation urn or casket for the memorial service

Most funeral homes offer rentals which you can use for the memorial or funeral service. This is a great tip that can save you from paying too much for a casket you can’t afford or an urn you don’t want from the funeral home, and can also help you save on costly overnight shipping charges when ordering an urn or castket online.

• Casket rental – You can often rent a very attractive, high-end casket for use during the service. The body will generally be in a sturdy cardboard container which is placed inside the premium casket during the viewing and/or memorial service. Afterwards the cardboard container will be removed and buried or taken to the crematorium for cremation. This allows you to have the respectability of a beautiful casket during the public service without the premium cost attached to it.
• Urn rental – If you don’t like, want, or can’t afford one of the cremation urns that the funeral home offers, you can purchase one online. If you choose something unique or customized, it may take several days to several weeks to produce the urn. In the meantime, the memorial service can go forward using a rental from the funeral home. We often suggest this option to our customers when a service is in the next few days and rush shipping charges on the cremation urn will double the cost – instead, rent an urn for the service, then the one you really want will arrive soon after.

3. You can purchase cremation urns or caskets online at much cheaper prices

Click here to shop cremation urns

Speaking of shopping online, the prices on the web will almost always be more affordable than the exact same item at the funeral home. Despite any impression to the contrary you may receive from a sales-focused* funeral director, you are not required to purchase an urn or casket from them.

*Again, most funeral directors are helpful, honest people who do great work serving their families. But as with any profession, there can be some unscrupulous types. Or they just simply might not think to tell you every single one of your many options.

In fact, the funeral home is legally required to use the container you provide, and will fill the cremation urn for you upon your request.

We work with many wonderful funeral directors who urge families to purchase the cremation urn through us in order to provide their clients the best possible prices, and many funeral homes do make available a wide range of urns and caskets at competitive price points.

At the same time, there are many funeral homes that offer similar products at a much higher cost to you, so it may be worthwhile for you to shop around.

4. Funeral homes often keep the low-cost caskets and urns in the back

If you’re not comfortable shopping online, or if you just don’t want to hassle with another thing to do, you can still find more affordably-priced caskets and urns at the funeral home. They tend to display the premium items in the showroom, along with a few cheaper models that give you the impression that you are looking at the whole spectrum of options.

But if you really want to save on costs, just ask if they have any more budget-friendly options in the back. Again, many funeral professionals will gladly help you find the right item for your situation, but with these funeral tips in mind you can avoid falling into potentially costly sales traps.

Need more info on this topic? Here are 5 Ways to Get an Inexpensive Casket. And to find the perfect cremation urn, definitely check out our selection at Urns Northwest.

5. You can use an “alternative container” for cremation

There is no law that requires you to use or purchase a casket for cremation.

Every provider of cremation services is required to inform you that alternative containers (such as cardboard) are available. These are often either free (included in the cost) or available at a much lower price than a traditional casket.

6. Veterans with honorable discharge get free burial services

Veterans and spouses of veterans can obtain free burial and other services, such as perpetual care and personalized headstones, through the National Cemetery Administration of the U.S. Department of Veteran’s Affairs.

Funeral-related services are pre-specified, and generally only apply to burial or inurnment at a National Cemetery, so you should research what is available to you to see if it will work for your situation. See here for more information.

7. You can ask for a price list for all services

Many funeral homes will offer packages that are designed to help you save when purchasing a variety of services, but these can often include things you may not want or even need.

Funeral homes are required to provide itemized price lists for all services if you ask for one. You can even do this without leaving your home – consumer protection laws require that funeral costs be provided over the phone if you call in.

Some funeral homes aim for a “high end” clientele and will have nicer, more spacious facilities and little conveniences like complimentary coffee or a play room for children. Other places might not have all the bells and whistles, but equally great service and the exact same products for a fraction of the price.

So call up a couple of funeral homes and compare prices, then do a bit of background research on their websites and social media before going in. This shouldn’t take more than a half an hour, and it could save you thousands of dollars.

8. Most services are optional

While most funeral directors are honest and helpful, you may get a pushy-salesman type who will try to sell you more than you need. Or perhaps you feel pressure from family and friends to make everything “just right”.

Or maybe without any explicit prodding, the vast arrange of options makes you feel like you need to accept more of the services the funeral home offers than you might under different circumstances.

Whatever the situation, remember that almost all of the services offered by the funeral home are optional, including:

• Embalming
• Viewing
• Burial vaults
• Flowers
• Transportation services
• Casket (you can rent and/or buy elsewhere)
• Urn (you can rent and/or buy elsewhere)
• Burial (you can choose cremation)
• Cremation (you can choose burial)
• Casket for cremation
• Seals, gaskets, liners, etc
• Warranties

Read more here: What Do I Need to Buy From a Funeral Home?

In most states (excepting Louisiana, Nebraska, Illinois, New Jersey, New York, Indiana, Michigan and Connecticut), you are not required to use a licensed funeral home or director at all. You can arrange and conduct the memorial or funeral in your own home.

However, it generally is advisable to have the knowledge, resources, and assistance that a professional can provide, so we heartily recommend using the services of a reputable funeral director. Just be aware of your rights and options.

9. Funeral adjectives are relative

Since funeral arrangements are often a new experience for most people, the words and terminology used can subtly influence how you think about the options and services available at a funeral home.

For instance, many funeral homes or crematoriums will have “temporary urn” stamped onto the container in which the remains are returned to you. This can be misleading, because implies that you need to purchase a “permanent urn”.

While many people do in fact purchase a different container specifically designed to be a beautiful and lasting memorial (these are the kinds of memorial urns we offer), the true “permanent urn” is any container you choose to house the remains. If you’re fine with the so-called “temporary” urn, then that can be the permanent urn!

Another term often used is “traditional,” which can exert a subtle pressure on you to conform to what people normally do. If you’re presented with a “traditional” and a “budget” casket, don’t decide based on the words used by the funeral home but rather think through what you want and what you feel is appropriate to spend.

In all fairness, adjectives such as “traditional” and “temporary” are common usage and helpful for explaining products and services within the funeral industry. We use both of these terms (and many other similar ones) regularly on our website, because they reflect both the common usage and actual practices associated with the terms.

Ultimately, we want you to be aware of the implications of certain words (especially adjectives), and know that the final decision of what is right for your loved one is up to you and your family.

10. You can receive a written statement of costs before you pay

If you ask, funeral homes must give you a written statement and explanation of all costs associated with the funeral, burial, and/or cremation services you have chosen.

This statement will be helpful in making sure that you aren’t charged unnecessary fees for services or products you do not want.

Bonus tip: Bring a friend

When planning a funeral, it’s a good idea to bring another person along whenever you are shopping for or deciding on funeral services.

Ideally this is a person who was not as close to the decedent, as they will be able to offer a less emotionally invested opinion on the choices you’ll be making.

Advice from Tom

Time for another episode of WWW (Weber's Words of Wisdom).

So I have learned a major pain life lesson with the passing of my Dad, and I would like to share what I learned so that maybe others won't have to deal with this in the future.

It has to do with estate planning, and how it can affect your loved ones after you pass.

I have to start off by saying that I thought having a trust was the way to go, but reality is, most of us don't need one as we just don't have large enough estates to have to worry about it.

That said, everyone should have a Will, an extensive Power of Attorney (POA) and a Advanced Health Care Directive (AHCD) in place that are for the state you currently live in. I also recommend you write a letter of instruction to your family and put together a list of all your accounts and passwords and place them in a secured location that your family can access. Also make sure all your beneficiaries are correct and up to date.

I would also recommend that if possible, you should pre-plan and pre-pay for your funeral in advance. My dad did this and it was very helpful. I am in the process of doing this now.

Here is my BIG key advice. The best thing I can recommend to you, from having to deal with this for over the last 20 months is, get on your loved ones bank, credit and utility accounts as a secondary member, but for sure do not close their primary bank account for about a year, or until you are confident ALL financial transactions are complete.

My dad and stepmom had a trust made just after they were married. They included POA's and AHCD's. My dad was a very organized man, but even he didn't keep some things updated and some personal and financial records were absent, missing, or destroyed early. His list of accounts and investments was not up to date and there was not a clear understanding of some things that needed to get done.

The huge problem was that their trust said that at the time of one of them passing, the trust was to change to a new name and to place all assets into the trust for the survivor. This being said, I closed his account, got on as second member of my stepmoms accounts and opened a new account in the new trust name. I then proceeded to close all his credit and bank accounts, investments, etc....

That is where it all went south. Most agencies, banks, credit companies, utilities, etc have their own rules for how they deal with clients that are deceased. A most of the ones I dealt with were accommodating and with a copy of the Death Certificate and POA, I was able to get business done. HOWEVER, some of them also sent refunds, checks, insurance payoffs, etc.. to me in HIS name or in the name of HIS "estate."

The problem was, his name doesn't appear on any bank accounts. The account was changed to the new trust name when he passed. Now I have a pile of checks that can't be cashed because the bank won't accept them because there is no such person and no such trust account name, even with a copy of his DC and the POA. A few that I am dealing with, are his CA tax refund, some refund checks from utility accounts and a federal agency that has their head where the sun don't shine.

So my advice is, if possible, put two names on utilities, bank accounts, investments, deeds and for sure do not close their primary bank account until you are confident that all refunds, rebates, monies owed have been taken care of. Had I left my dads account open longer than 30 days, I would not be boring you with this rambling post.

God bless and I hope everyone is well.

Tom

Top 10 Things to Know About Executor Duties After a Death

legacynavigator.com/10-things-about-executor-duties-after-death/

6/26/2017

Maybe you were asked ahead of time to be an executor for someone’s estate, or maybe it came as a surprise. Or perhaps someone is asking you to take on this responsibility when the time comes. It’s a time-consuming and stressful job. Being an executor is a role you should consider carefully if you’re being asked, and one you need to take very seriously once you are involved. Here are the top 10 things you need to know about executor duties after death.

1. You don’t have to accept.

Granted, it is an honor to be asked. After all, someone trusts you to manage all of their worldly possessions for their beneficiaries. But you don’t have to say yes if you are concerned you might not be able to manage the process. You can turn down a direct request, or you can also say no once it is time for the appointment to be made. If you find yourself too overwhelmed or grieving, you can file paperwork with the court to excuse yourself from executor duties after a death, and you can even suggest another executor (although you can also leave it to the court to decide).

2. Order official death certificates.

Death certificates can be expensive, but executors will need multiple copies of official death certificates for many reasons. A good rule is to buy at least 20, though you may need more, depending on the estate. Order them as soon as possible and send them to key parties promptly.

Struggling to Sort Through a Loved One’s Estate? 
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3. Get an idea of the assets, debts, and other expenses.

Estimating the estate’s value early on is important to ensure the easiest process throughout probate (the time period during which an estate gets divided). It will also help determine whether an estate is solvent or insolvent,  defined by whether or not the estate has enough assets to cover the debts.
During this time, the executor must keep a list of all of the debts and assets and other necessary paperwork for the records, such as bank statements, mortgages, loans, and utility bills.
Also keep records of any estate-related transactions, such as court filing fees, any sales made, maintenance expenses, even gas and parking fees (if they are truly related to estate business). Keep a copy of all receipts, and note of where, when, and why the expense was incurred, as the commissioner may not approve the accounting without proper supporting documentation.

4. Contact the Social Security Administration and potential creditors.

One of the first executor duties after death is to notify the Social Security Administration located where the deceased resided. It may seem obvious, but don’t assume that officials know about the death. This notification is especially important if someone dies outside of their county, city, or state when medical or emergency service reports may not have been filed in the locality of residence.
If the estate has debt, the executor should also send notice to any potential creditors so no further interest accrues, and to verify the final balance owed. This way the creditor understands that there may be a delay in payment as the estate is being settled and assets are being determined. Keep a detailed paper trail of all communication.

5. Meet with the probate clerk.

Just because a will states someone is the executor does not mean they are—yet. The probate clerk must legally certify any personal representative of an estate.
For certification, the clerk will require an official death certificate, the original will, names and addresses of all beneficiaries and heirs-at-law (potential heirs who may not be listed in the will), a list of all known assets, and money for filing fees (averaging around 10 cents per $100 worth of assets).
After the probate clerk has this information, they will approve (or disapprove) the executor that same day. This is usually a formality, although executors sometimes have to pass a credit check.

6.  Mark your calendar for important filing dates.

Deadlines in the probate process are extremely important and can creep up and pass you by if you do not keep them at the forefront. Mark all important filing dates, such as notice to heirs, inventory, accounting, and tax deadlines and allow yourself time to complete the requirements for each.

7. Practice good record-keeping.

Though it can seem tedious, executor duties after death also relate to the minutiae of finances. Executors must record every transaction of the estate, whether an expense, sale or refund. For example, if you pay an invoice or bill, you must have a copy of the receipt, a copy of the check, and a description of the expense to reflect that it was an estate expense. Even if you receive a refund for a dollar or less, that must be documented and recorded.

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8. Adhere to law as well as the will.

Be very careful and attentive to what local and state laws say about proper conduct of an executor. You must ensure that everything requested in the will is done, or you could face potential liabilities. For example, giving another beneficiary more than specifically stated in the will can anger other family members, and it is also against the law.

9. Be transparent with beneficiaries.

The executor must use all means available to contact heirs-at-law, including online records and heir search companies. It is the executor’s responsibility to track down all interested parties to the estate.
Though it may not required to keep beneficiaries updated as part of your executor duties after death (unless they’ve requested it in writing), it may be in your best interest to do so. Being honest and up front about how the process is going helps ease tension and prevents potential conflicts.

10. Handle debts, taxes, and other expenses.

Finally, the executor oversees managing and paying debts of the estate. This doesn’t mean pay for the debts personally, because they should be paid out of the assets of the estate, and in the proper order. In fact, if you pay for any debts out of order and the estate is insolvent, that could make you personally liable for the debts.
Because some details vary state by state, always check the laws in your locality. Executor duties after death must be fulfilled with patience, a kind heart, and attention to detail. Think of it as being asked to serve as a godparent—it’s an honor that’s hard to refuse, and a responsibility that will affect others for generations.

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We provide our DIY information as a service to families settling estates or helping with a family member’s transition to assisted living. If your project is too large or complicated to manage yourself, give us a call anytime for a free consultation: 800-913-7747.

5 Methods for How to Settle an Estate With Siblings

Think holidays are stressful? They’re nothing compared to what some families go through when it comes time to settle an estate with siblings. Even if parents or other loved ones leave clear directives on how financial and other major assets are to be divided up after their death, there is usually a houseful of other items—some valuable and some merely sentimental—that need to be dealt with. And that’s often where the trouble begins.

We’ve all heard stories about the cousin who skipped the wake to rifle through Uncle John’s house and carry out all of the valuable items. Or the two sisters who never spoke again after the older one laid claim to the silver candlesticks that came out every Thanksgiving. If you’re the one charged with managing the estate, the best way to keep peace in the family is to come up with an objective way to parcel out the goods fairly. Here are some strategies that we use for how to settle an estate with siblings.

Hold a Family “Auction”

With this system, everyone who has a legitimate claim to the process gets an equal number of tokens. (Poker chips or Monopoly money work great!) Then they “bid” on the items they want. One brother can blow his entire wad claiming the Chippendale side table, while a sister might spread hers around on smaller items. If you want to work with a third party company, we recommend FairSplit.

Take Turns

With this system you can draw lots or go from oldest to youngest to decide who goes first, but however you determine the order, be sure to change it up for every round to make it as fair as possible. So the person who goes last in the first round gets to go first in the second round, etc. Then, if Bill ends up with the etching that Sally really wanted, they can negotiate a trade between themselves after all of the selections have been made.

Hold a Family Pre-Sale

This is a great option if you plan to use an estate sale to clean out the house. The estate sale company can come in and price all of the items, then family members get to come through to select one or two items that they want to keep before the sale is open to the public. The value of the items is deducted from each person’s share of the sale proceeds.

Pro Checklist: How To Have An Estate Sale
After all of the beneficiaries have divided up an estate’s key assets, chances are you’re still going to be dealing with a house full of stuff. Here’s how to have an estate sale on property.

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Get an Appraisal

If one or two items are significantly more valuable than everything else, coming up with a truly fair distribution can be difficult. That’s when it’s time to bring in an appraiser to provide an objective market value to the higher-end items. At that point the sibling who wants the Picasso can have its value deducted from his or her share of the estate, pay the other family members for it, or it can be sold and the proceeds divided among heirs.

Hire a Mediator

Unfortunately, we’ve seen too many families that can’t even agree on who should get Grandma’s silver-plated salt server. If that’s the case with your family, your best option is to on dividing family property fairly is to remove yourself from the process. Hire a professional mediator or your parent’s estate attorney to come in and handle the distribution of personal property.

This is a time when emotions are running high and old wounds that may have been long forgotten are reopened. An independent third-party won’t add to the emotional baggage and could even help defuse some of the deeper issues that have been triggered by the process. When you are trying to figure out how to settle an estate with siblings, the most important thing is to keep the family intact. Everything else is just stuff.

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We provide our DIY information as a service to families settling estates or helping with a family member’s transition to assisted living. If your project is too large or complicated to manage yourself, give us a call anytime for a free consultation: 800-913-7747.

Our advice is based on our experience cleaning out and settling estates for our clients. Each project is different, and we always recommend that you consult personally with experts about your particular situation before making any important decisions.